I always make resolutions. Everyone does, right? Not this year. They just get broken in the first week anyway. If something needs to change it's not going to happen because I became 2005 and I "resolved" to change it.
Hooray 2005. Hooray 2 more weeks of break. Hooray only showering once so far in the new year. (Don't worryI'll shower tomorrow before going out in public)
Monday, January 3
Saturday, December 25
Put God back into the equation
Rereading my last post I noticed that I never mentioned God. I know I thought about Him. And that He was there. I think I'm just not used to talking about His influence "out loud." God was in my life during that whole time. He's what got me through all the bad days. No matter how lost I felt I always found shelter in His arms. It isn't normal for me to sit down and share all the ways He worked and used the events in my life, eventhough I know He was there. God is the reason I don't worry so much about where I'm headed anymore, God's my yesterday, today and tomorrow. I just ask for the strength to follow where He leads.
Wednesday, December 22
Spend way too much time alone in the car
As a direct result of my parents now living in Illinois and my friends being in Milwaukee, I seem to spend a very large percentage of my breaks alone and in the car driving the 73 miles between my new house and Whitefish Bay. This is both good and bad. Most nights I don't mind the drive. I've always enjoyed driving as a chance to relax, listen to music and just think about everything and nothing. Some nights I'm just too tired and don't want to have to spend the next hour plus in a car let alone the next 5 minutes it used to take to get home. Other nights, like tonight, I start thinking about serious things, which leads me to here. I guess it's not really a good blog post topic and at this point it may or may not get posted at all, but I definitely needed to get it out and blogging seemed like the easiest way. Most of this was before I really knew any of the people who may read this so that makes me uneasy. And I know Jess has my page linked on hers so knowing people I don't know real well makes me a little bit afraid to share all this, but I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't ever look back and change anything I did because it made me into Me. And I like who I am right now. I'm happier right now then I think I've ever been.
Fall 2001: We all leave for college; saying tearful goodbyes, promising to talk all the time, counting down the says to Thanksgiving break. Everyone else seems to be making friends right away. In the first week Matt has a girlfriend, Jason joins a frat, Abby has made 6 new best friends who spend all their time together, and I'm sitting in my room feeling rather lonely and left out. Sure I met the people on my floor. They seemed all right. I never intended to really be long term friends with any of them. The more time I spent with them the more I liked them, but I found myself being pulled in two different directions. There were the floor friends that I'd gone out partying with and broke several dorm rules with (usual freshmen year mayhem) and then there were the Verve/24-7 friends. I didn't really feel like I clicked with any of them, but by hanging out with both groups I sort of found an equilibrium. The year passed fairly smoothly with a few rather large bumps in the road, but life moved on. (bumps being September 11th, two of my best friends deciding to date while at schools in different states, Tony not knowing how to keep his mouth shut and only one near death experience and the subsequent mental/emotional break down. All these are longer stories then we have time here for) Then I moved home and the real fun began. I was stoked about the summer. I had a sweet job lined up, everyone was home, it was going to be awesome. And then they told me. "You're mom's going to accept a job in Chicago and we're moving at the end of the summer. But you can't tell anyone for a few weeks until it all becomes definite." Oh. Well then. So there I sat, finally just grateful to be back home, with the friends completely like me, no discomfort because I was either the "Bad one" or the "Good one." Just me. Us. The way it had been.
I only recently have come to realize how angry I was at my parents then. It just sat there boiling beneath the surface. And then Abby and I kept getting into these fights because she worked all the time and we never really saw each other and we both blamed each other and I know now I was just so afraid of losing my friends to the move that not seeing the one person I was always able to talk to about anything was slowly driving me even crazier. We had The Fight. A knock down, no punches pulled, true I hate you right now fight. Stupid things were said. Mostly by me. Things like "fine, goodbye, I'll talk to you in a couple years." Looking back I never actually believed 2 years could go by without us talking.
So now I'm headed back to school, knowing I won't ever live in Whitefish Bay again, knowing this year classes are way more important because I have to apply to Pharmacy school. One of Amy's best friends from home transfers to the University and moves in with her. Jen and I become friends imediately. We're much more similar than Amy and I. Which isn't necessarily good. I'm still angry about moving. I start becoming fairly destructive. I don't want this to sound like I'm trying to put it off on anyone else. I'm not. It was all me. The situations I put myself in. The choices I made. I spent a lot of time with Jen. Where Amy will always be the good child, studious, hard working, Jen was a drinker and had a past more like mine. There was The Weekend. Almost 36 hours of non-sobriety, I can't say I was truly drunk the whole time, but it was close. I didn't spend as much time with Amy. Later she'd admit that she didn't really feel included that semester. But her family was in town almost every weekend and so we often chose to not be around that craziness and therefore, not around her. She didn't know about the drinking that went on when she wasn't around. Kinsey did, but she just chose to disapprove and not be around for it. I skipped more and more class. I stopped studying altogether. My schedule was also pretty messed up. 7:30 MWF, nothing TTh. I really wasn't sleeping well at all, drinking to fall asleep more and more often. By the time my parents visited in November they said I looked horrible, like I was dying. It was pretty much killing me slowly. I tried to turn it all around in December. I emailed Abby apoligizing, wishing none of it had happened, hoping we could be friends still. The response I got was less then excited about being my friend again and seemed a little bit angry. Fine. Then I'll just write you out of my life completely. I pretty much did.
Jen transfered back to Northwestern ( orange city) after the end of semester and second semester that year wasn't really much better then the first. I still didn't see much of Amy; She was always studying, I never did. My grades were falling again. I hated half my classes. More drinking. Little sleep. 8:30 class 4 days a week that I rarely made it to. Spring break rolls around and I find out 3 of my 4 grandparents are in the hospital for various illnesses and surgeries. Great. Just what I needed. It's the March, which by this point had become the month also known as mental and emotional break down month. I had a 5 year streak going by then. I can't visit my dying grandfather because all week the other cousins have been crowding his hospital room and the doctors say no more visitors until next week, but it's saturday and I have class on monday. The last place I want to be is iowa city. At this point I'm feeling so distant from all my friends at school I don't even tell anyone what's going on. I'm moody and angry for the next few weeks. Snapping at everyone even when it's undeserved. I can't even cry at the funeral I'm so numb at this point. I'm wait listed for pharmacy. I don't even care. I don't want to be a pharmacist anymore.
I never do find a job that summer. I blame it on a new city. Not knowing anyone. I spend my time and money on parties in Milwaukee: beer, pot, gas money, driving drunk for the first time. Oh yea my summer's going great. The anger at my parents is back. If we still lived in Milwaukee I could be spending more time with my friends. I would have a good job, something to do. This is making my summer sound horrible, but it really wasn't. I had a lot of fun. Both in Milwaukee and a trip over the 4th to visit Sioux Center. Life's not too bad when your days are spent sleeping late, reading outside in the sun all afternoon and partying with your friends at night. Fun doesn't equal good however. I also haven't really been talking to Aaron and Colin lately and that makes life harder. Then Aaron and Colin are fighting and I just don't know what to do. It seemed fairly serious and I didn't know what I'd do with out them. Just in time for school to start again. New major. New direction. New apartment. New challenges. It was a good change though. I was doing better in school, I was drinking rarely if at all. Sure there were some minor problems that stemmed from adjusting to living with Amy and Kinsey, but over all life was good. I made some new friends and to be honest the year passed in a bit of a blur. Nothing really stands out.
Time is moving way to fast at this point. How am I six months from graduation? What was the point of this post when it started an hour ago? Ok well that question I can answer, I really was just thinking about a lot of things and it was good to get them out. Sorry if it was too much information or too boring. It's unusual for me but I feel content, happy. I don't know what I'll be doing a year from now or five years and I'm ok with that. I know that tomorrow I'll see friends I've known for all my life. I know that a week and a half from now, new friends will become the first to actually visit Whitefish Bay. And that's enough. I don't need to know any more. Today was a good day. Next week might be a bad one. But overall the worst tomorrow can be is still light years ahead of where I was two years ago. I'm even happy to live in Highland Park. Who knew that could happen?
Fall 2001: We all leave for college; saying tearful goodbyes, promising to talk all the time, counting down the says to Thanksgiving break. Everyone else seems to be making friends right away. In the first week Matt has a girlfriend, Jason joins a frat, Abby has made 6 new best friends who spend all their time together, and I'm sitting in my room feeling rather lonely and left out. Sure I met the people on my floor. They seemed all right. I never intended to really be long term friends with any of them. The more time I spent with them the more I liked them, but I found myself being pulled in two different directions. There were the floor friends that I'd gone out partying with and broke several dorm rules with (usual freshmen year mayhem) and then there were the Verve/24-7 friends. I didn't really feel like I clicked with any of them, but by hanging out with both groups I sort of found an equilibrium. The year passed fairly smoothly with a few rather large bumps in the road, but life moved on. (bumps being September 11th, two of my best friends deciding to date while at schools in different states, Tony not knowing how to keep his mouth shut and only one near death experience and the subsequent mental/emotional break down. All these are longer stories then we have time here for) Then I moved home and the real fun began. I was stoked about the summer. I had a sweet job lined up, everyone was home, it was going to be awesome. And then they told me. "You're mom's going to accept a job in Chicago and we're moving at the end of the summer. But you can't tell anyone for a few weeks until it all becomes definite." Oh. Well then. So there I sat, finally just grateful to be back home, with the friends completely like me, no discomfort because I was either the "Bad one" or the "Good one." Just me. Us. The way it had been.
I only recently have come to realize how angry I was at my parents then. It just sat there boiling beneath the surface. And then Abby and I kept getting into these fights because she worked all the time and we never really saw each other and we both blamed each other and I know now I was just so afraid of losing my friends to the move that not seeing the one person I was always able to talk to about anything was slowly driving me even crazier. We had The Fight. A knock down, no punches pulled, true I hate you right now fight. Stupid things were said. Mostly by me. Things like "fine, goodbye, I'll talk to you in a couple years." Looking back I never actually believed 2 years could go by without us talking.
So now I'm headed back to school, knowing I won't ever live in Whitefish Bay again, knowing this year classes are way more important because I have to apply to Pharmacy school. One of Amy's best friends from home transfers to the University and moves in with her. Jen and I become friends imediately. We're much more similar than Amy and I. Which isn't necessarily good. I'm still angry about moving. I start becoming fairly destructive. I don't want this to sound like I'm trying to put it off on anyone else. I'm not. It was all me. The situations I put myself in. The choices I made. I spent a lot of time with Jen. Where Amy will always be the good child, studious, hard working, Jen was a drinker and had a past more like mine. There was The Weekend. Almost 36 hours of non-sobriety, I can't say I was truly drunk the whole time, but it was close. I didn't spend as much time with Amy. Later she'd admit that she didn't really feel included that semester. But her family was in town almost every weekend and so we often chose to not be around that craziness and therefore, not around her. She didn't know about the drinking that went on when she wasn't around. Kinsey did, but she just chose to disapprove and not be around for it. I skipped more and more class. I stopped studying altogether. My schedule was also pretty messed up. 7:30 MWF, nothing TTh. I really wasn't sleeping well at all, drinking to fall asleep more and more often. By the time my parents visited in November they said I looked horrible, like I was dying. It was pretty much killing me slowly. I tried to turn it all around in December. I emailed Abby apoligizing, wishing none of it had happened, hoping we could be friends still. The response I got was less then excited about being my friend again and seemed a little bit angry. Fine. Then I'll just write you out of my life completely. I pretty much did.
Jen transfered back to Northwestern ( orange city) after the end of semester and second semester that year wasn't really much better then the first. I still didn't see much of Amy; She was always studying, I never did. My grades were falling again. I hated half my classes. More drinking. Little sleep. 8:30 class 4 days a week that I rarely made it to. Spring break rolls around and I find out 3 of my 4 grandparents are in the hospital for various illnesses and surgeries. Great. Just what I needed. It's the March, which by this point had become the month also known as mental and emotional break down month. I had a 5 year streak going by then. I can't visit my dying grandfather because all week the other cousins have been crowding his hospital room and the doctors say no more visitors until next week, but it's saturday and I have class on monday. The last place I want to be is iowa city. At this point I'm feeling so distant from all my friends at school I don't even tell anyone what's going on. I'm moody and angry for the next few weeks. Snapping at everyone even when it's undeserved. I can't even cry at the funeral I'm so numb at this point. I'm wait listed for pharmacy. I don't even care. I don't want to be a pharmacist anymore.
I never do find a job that summer. I blame it on a new city. Not knowing anyone. I spend my time and money on parties in Milwaukee: beer, pot, gas money, driving drunk for the first time. Oh yea my summer's going great. The anger at my parents is back. If we still lived in Milwaukee I could be spending more time with my friends. I would have a good job, something to do. This is making my summer sound horrible, but it really wasn't. I had a lot of fun. Both in Milwaukee and a trip over the 4th to visit Sioux Center. Life's not too bad when your days are spent sleeping late, reading outside in the sun all afternoon and partying with your friends at night. Fun doesn't equal good however. I also haven't really been talking to Aaron and Colin lately and that makes life harder. Then Aaron and Colin are fighting and I just don't know what to do. It seemed fairly serious and I didn't know what I'd do with out them. Just in time for school to start again. New major. New direction. New apartment. New challenges. It was a good change though. I was doing better in school, I was drinking rarely if at all. Sure there were some minor problems that stemmed from adjusting to living with Amy and Kinsey, but over all life was good. I made some new friends and to be honest the year passed in a bit of a blur. Nothing really stands out.
Time is moving way to fast at this point. How am I six months from graduation? What was the point of this post when it started an hour ago? Ok well that question I can answer, I really was just thinking about a lot of things and it was good to get them out. Sorry if it was too much information or too boring. It's unusual for me but I feel content, happy. I don't know what I'll be doing a year from now or five years and I'm ok with that. I know that tomorrow I'll see friends I've known for all my life. I know that a week and a half from now, new friends will become the first to actually visit Whitefish Bay. And that's enough. I don't need to know any more. Today was a good day. Next week might be a bad one. But overall the worst tomorrow can be is still light years ahead of where I was two years ago. I'm even happy to live in Highland Park. Who knew that could happen?
Monday, December 20
Chug and bowl
Yes that is exactly what it sounds like. Each frame has a different rule. Everyone takes turns picking a rule. Every few turns the rule is "chug and bowl." Alex miraculously improves at bowling the more Miller High Life involved. Should I not say that in my blog? oh well too late. Another great thing: Marta's parents. Always a little bit scary, a little bit fun, a little bit too much information. Oh how I love and miss Milwaukee.
Wednesday, December 15
Play music loud enough to drown out all thoughts
I get yelled at for playing music too loudly. Too loud for who? Maybe just loud enough. Loud enough to drown out the sound of the people talking near you. Loud enough to muffle the noise of the bus. Loud enough to block out all thoughts except for the music. I like that feeling. So I got this cd a while back and it's perfect for that. I love my computer speakers. The sub shook our entire house without sounding staticy when I first tested them at home. But this cd is better in headphones. So I'll sit at my desk or lie on my bed just listening. Not even thinking. Enjoying. How can music do that? And why does different music do that for different people? And I'm not talking about the way you hear a song and it reminds you of something or someone and you have some sort of memory flash. Just the way it can transcend all that. Maybe I'm weird. Check that. I'm weird and maybe in this way I'm unique. Thoughts? comments? favorite cd for this purpose? let me know. I want to hear.
Sell back books and take a nap
I always forget about selling back my books at the end of semester. I start to worry about spending too much money on christmas presents and then the fact that I won't be working for a couple weeks over break and then wham! oh yea. text book money. sometimes, not so much. other times, lots. hopefully this will be a lots year. I sold one back this morning. $57.50 Pretty good. Now if only the others can be worth that much.
Also I haven't really been sleeping well. And don't know why. Of course that's obvious becuase if I knew why I'd fix it and sleep well. But last night I was up until 2:30. just laying there. so i moved to the living room. slept maybe an hour or two on the sofa. layed awake for a while longer. went back to my room around 6 am. slept til my alarm went off at 8:15. It's like i can sleep once it gets light out, but if it's dark I can't seem to sleep soundly. Weird. And no i'm not afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of the smoke detector. But that's another story. Maybe that's still my problem. No. It better not be. That was last January. And I slept fine this summer. The other night it was super hot in our apartment and I couldn't open my window because the condensation had frozen over and so I didn't get to snuggle up in my big down comfortor. That was sad. You know you've always wanted to know all about my sleep problems. Deal.
Also I haven't really been sleeping well. And don't know why. Of course that's obvious becuase if I knew why I'd fix it and sleep well. But last night I was up until 2:30. just laying there. so i moved to the living room. slept maybe an hour or two on the sofa. layed awake for a while longer. went back to my room around 6 am. slept til my alarm went off at 8:15. It's like i can sleep once it gets light out, but if it's dark I can't seem to sleep soundly. Weird. And no i'm not afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of the smoke detector. But that's another story. Maybe that's still my problem. No. It better not be. That was last January. And I slept fine this summer. The other night it was super hot in our apartment and I couldn't open my window because the condensation had frozen over and so I didn't get to snuggle up in my big down comfortor. That was sad. You know you've always wanted to know all about my sleep problems. Deal.
Friday, December 10
Edit posts after calming down about the situation
So I started this post complaining about something insignifcant and by the time I was done typing I felt better about it so I went back and deleted it on the off chance that the person driving me crazy ever someday reads these and would end up mad at me.
Where did the semester go? How am I done with class already? Why is it 48 degrees outside in december? I'm almost completely done with christmas shopping! I just have to find presents for my roomates and something else for my mom. Are you getting me a christmas present? Because I wasn't planning on getting you one. And if you get me one then I have to feel bad about this so let's just agree to not get each other anything. Deal? Deal.
Where did the semester go? How am I done with class already? Why is it 48 degrees outside in december? I'm almost completely done with christmas shopping! I just have to find presents for my roomates and something else for my mom. Are you getting me a christmas present? Because I wasn't planning on getting you one. And if you get me one then I have to feel bad about this so let's just agree to not get each other anything. Deal? Deal.
Do what eveyone else is doing
have you ever...
01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Said 'I love you' and meant it
08. Hugged a tree
09. Bungee jumped
10. Visited Paris
11. Watched a lightning storm at sea (if I can count Lake Michigan as a sea)
12. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
13. Seen the Northern Lights
14. Gone to a huge sports game
15. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
16. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
17. Touched an iceberg
18. Slept under the stars
19. Changed a baby's diaper
20. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
21. Watched a meteor shower
22. Gotten drunk on champagne
23. Given more than you can afford to charity
24. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
25. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
26. Had a food fight
27. Bet on a winning horse
28. Called in sick when you were not ill
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
32. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
33. Held a lamb
34. Enacted a favorite fantasy
35. Taken a midnight skinny dip
36. Taken an ice cold bath
37. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
38. Seen a total eclipse
39. Ridden a roller coaster
40. Hit a home run
41. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
42. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
43. Adopted an accent for an entire day
44. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (general region, not specific town)
45. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
46. Had two hard drives for your computer
47. Visited all 50 states/every county
48. Loved your job
49. Taken care of someone who was bombed
50. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
51. Had amazing friends
52. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
53. Watched wild whales
54. Stolen a sign
55. Backpacked in Europe
56. Taken a road-trip
57. Gone rock climbing
58. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
59. Midnight walk on the beach
60. Visited Ireland
61. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
62. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
63. Visited Japan
64. Benchpressed your own weight
65. Milked a cow
66. Alphabetized your records
67. Pretended to be a superhero
68. Sung karaoke
69. Lounged around in bed all day
70. Gone scuba diving
71. Kissed in the rain
72. Played in the mud
73. Played in the rain
74. Gone to a drive-in theater
75. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
76. Visited the Great Wall of China
77. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
78. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
79. Started a business
80. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
81. Toured ancient sites
82. Taken a martial arts class
83. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
84. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (not D&D but something equally dorky I don't want to talk about...)
85. Gotten married
86. Been in a movie
87. Crashed a party
88. Gone without food for 5 days
89. Made cookies from scratch
90. Won first prize in a costume contest
91. Ridden a gondola in Venice
92. Gotten a tattoo
93. Rafted the Snake River
94. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
95. Got flowers for no reason
97. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
98. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
99. Performed on stage
100. Been to Las Vegas
101. Recorded music
102. Eaten shark
103. Had a one-night stand
104. Gone to Thailand
105. Seen Siouxsie live
106. Bought a house
107. Been in a combat zone
108. Buried one/both of your parents
109. Been on a cruise ship
110. Spoken more than one language fluently
111. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
112. Bounced a check
113. Performed in Rocky Horror
114. Read - and understood - your credit report
115. Raised children
116. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
117. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
118. Created and named your own constellation of stars
119. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
120. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
121. Called or written your Congress person/Member of Parliament
122. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
123. ...more than once?
124. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge/Q E II Bridge
125. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
126. Eaten fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches
127. Had plastic surgery
128. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
129. Wrote articles for a large publication
130. Lost over 100 pounds
131. Held someone while they were having a flashback
132. Piloted an airplane
133. Petted a stingray
134. Broken someone's heart
135. Helped an animal give birth
136. Been fired or laid off from a job
137. Won money on a T.V. game show
138. Broken a bone
139. Killed a human being
140. Gone on an African photo safari
141. Ridden a motorcycle
142. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
143. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
144. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
145. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
146. Ridden a horse
147. Had major surgery
148. Had a snake as a pet
149. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
150. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
151. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
152. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
153. Visited all 7 continents
154. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
155. Eaten kangaroo meat
156. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
157. Been a sperm or egg donor
158. Eaten sushi
159. Had your picture in the newspaper
160. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
161. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
162. Gotten someone fired for their actions
163. Gone back to school
164. Parasailed
165. Changed your name
166. Petted a cockroach
167. Eaten fried green tomatoes
168. Read The Iliad
169. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
170. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
171. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
172. Taught yourself an art from scratch
173. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
174. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
175. Skipped all your school reunions
176. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
177. Been elected to public office
178. Written your own computer language
179. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
180. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
181. Built your own PC from parts
182. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
183. Had a booth at a street fair
184: Dyed your hair
185. Been a DJ
186. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
187. Written your own role playing game
188. Been arrested
189. Shot someone
190. Sang a solo in public, while sober
191. Kissed a hummingbird
192. Given birth
193. Eaten some tree-bark
194. Baked your own bread, without a machine
195. Braided the bread
196. Foraged and eaten wild food, and/or used wild herbs as medicine
197. Climbed a waterfall
198. Walked in total darkness
199. Went snorkling in the Great Barrier Reef
200. Been mistaken as someone of the opposite sex, and they never realized it
201. Had a supernatural experience
202. Performed at a poetry reading
203. Written a play
204. Been strip searched
205. Gotten hate mail from something of yours that had been published
206. Met someone in person who you first knew on-line
207. Cross-dressed on Halloween
208. Told off your boss and quit your job.
209. Held a Hummingbird.
210. Had a poem published
211. Been in love with more than one person at one time.
212. Listened to criticism with an open mind and let it improve you.
213. Truly fallen into a drooling, jerking, snoring sleep in public (I even started talking in my sleep)
214. Worked for a government agency
215. Been willing to forgive someone who lied to you.
216. Hated your job so much you wanted to drop kick your boss
217. Made up fun stories while traveling
218. Wanted to be a rock star
Wednesday, December 8
Move back into the dorms
So I watched a movie in Stanley on monday night and it was kinda weird. (being in the dorms, not the movie. The movie was great. Elf) It was just so awesome and unlike anything I'll ever do again. It was crowded isolation. You could be completely alone just by shutting your door, but you never had to be lonely because there was always someone right down the hall ready and willing to do something with you. Having dinner everynight with the same people, catching up on what was going on. Tuesday night tv. Being adopted by another floor's RA who knows you only as "trouble." Playing Halo at 2 in the morning. Stacks-etball. Dirty playing card Mafia. Team Vodka dominating at Taboo. Having the only person not drinking sent to wednesday night alcohol meetings because the rest of you had wandered off right before public safety showed up. And that was just sophmore year. I remember marveling at how cool it was to be able to walk down the hall when I got sick of doing homework and find someone to watch a movie with. Maybe it's because I never had siblings, so I never experienced having others there all the time. Did you know that about me? I'm an only child. Sometimes people can tell. The greatest thing I've ever been told was "Really? I never would have guessed you were an only child." It sucks having to be aware of not playing into the stereotype. Which I know I used to do, and I'm sure it still comes up every once in a while. I try not to be that person. I wonder what it would have been like to have siblings growing up. A sister. A brother. I always wanted an older brother. And now I have two :D but growing up... that person you can always talk to even though you're completely different people, but you have those shared traumas of family Christmases gone wrong and road trips from hell. That's probably why my friends become so much like family. Why I love going back to playground year after year. Seeing the same kids. Playing kickball all morning. Damn that was an awesome job. Why did I quit? Stupid real world, need to a get a real job, learn real life skills. I have skills already. Skillz with a Z. I can... yea I can't really think of anything good to put right there but there are things! Cool things! Awesome things! Like tackling and thievery. And an ability to spill something and make a mess any where I go. And to tell stupid stories that don't really have a point, like last week when Melissa turned down front row, directly behind the bench Hawks tickets. AAAAH that would have been so sweet! A game we were guaranteed to win! [sigh]
What was I talking about again?
Oh yea, the dorms. Have you ever wondered how different your life would be now if you lived in a different dorm freshman year? I have. All my friends that year were either from my floor, Verve or classes. Weird. I loved the dorms. It was just so convenient.
What was I talking about again?
Oh yea, the dorms. Have you ever wondered how different your life would be now if you lived in a different dorm freshman year? I have. All my friends that year were either from my floor, Verve or classes. Weird. I loved the dorms. It was just so convenient.
Smite things
This all started as a comment on Angie's blog...
How awesome would that be. (being able to smite things) It just sounds cool. "The angel of the Lord smites the Assyrians..." "Jephthah smites the Ammonites..." Who says history isn't cool. History is awesome, when it's not being force-fed to you by a school system that can't quite get it's act together. Speaking of which, I'm feeling the need to vent about my high school... so you may just wanna stop reading here, skip ahead and save yourself some time.
The history dept at WFBHS: My freshman year they decide to switch over from 3 semsters of World History and 2 of US and then gov't to 2 semesters of world, 3 of US and still gov't. Great. I'm all for learning more about US History. Except AP US is 2 semesters your junior year. So you have to spend a semester learning Jamestown to the Civil war and then do it all over again the next year. Which in turn means AP US gets through less, for example we barely got through WWII and therefore didn't know whole sections of questions come AP test time. Awesome. No wonder I only got a 4. I rocked at DBQ's. Well not really, but I remember rocking the one that counted. It's not as though they haven't decided who to invite into AP US by the time you're a sophmore. So why don't they find something better to do with that semester? Because it's Whitefish Bay. grrrrrrr...
Not to say that I disliked the history department totally. I mean Tipple was great, who doesn't love D-train Lane and Mr. Sweeney? and I'll even admit to liking Ms. Duncan, if for no other reason then she seemed to like me and it was great watching Jason have to answer all those questions when he, Nick and I would be talking in the back of class instead of paying attention. Sorry Jase. And model UN? Awesome. Yes, in case you some how missed it, I participated in Wisconsin High School Model UN....... twice. The first year arguing fishing laws as the land locked European nation, The Czech Republic. The second year discussing human rights as Iceland. I still have the big table placard I stole senior year that says Iceland on it. It's up in my room. I am that cool. oh man I totally just remembered Codell and his flags. So sophmore year our principal decides to invest in a set of flags of all the countries of the world and hang them in the hall on the first floor. Simple enough. Except after purchasing the first set, he finds another set for half the price and buys those too, not realizing he can't return the first set. So not only did he blow a couple thousand dollars on flags no one really even cared about in the first place, but now we had TWO sets. It definitely became the thing he was known for. Well that and being too friendly in the hallway. No I don't want to shake your hand. Get away from me you crazy man. aaah high school. Too bad he wasn't smote. The whole school would have attended that assembly.
No more WFB stuff I promise. History stuff. Smiting stuff. You know what was awesome? the power of the Catholic Church at their peak. The Holy Roman Empire. You didn't do crap without their approval. Not to say that they were perfect and didn't do some pretty horrible things. The Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, etc etc... But man did they have absolute power or what. Screw democracy. It doesn't work. Let's go back to a time when angels smote people at the whim of God and Kings bowed to the Church. We'll just do it better and not have all the corruption. Wow am I a nerd. Stupid Prostestants. They ruin everything.
This is why I love books like The Baroque Cycle by Neal Stephenson and even Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. The world was so much cooler back then.
How awesome would that be. (being able to smite things) It just sounds cool. "The angel of the Lord smites the Assyrians..." "Jephthah smites the Ammonites..." Who says history isn't cool. History is awesome, when it's not being force-fed to you by a school system that can't quite get it's act together. Speaking of which, I'm feeling the need to vent about my high school... so you may just wanna stop reading here, skip ahead and save yourself some time.
The history dept at WFBHS: My freshman year they decide to switch over from 3 semsters of World History and 2 of US and then gov't to 2 semesters of world, 3 of US and still gov't. Great. I'm all for learning more about US History. Except AP US is 2 semesters your junior year. So you have to spend a semester learning Jamestown to the Civil war and then do it all over again the next year. Which in turn means AP US gets through less, for example we barely got through WWII and therefore didn't know whole sections of questions come AP test time. Awesome. No wonder I only got a 4. I rocked at DBQ's. Well not really, but I remember rocking the one that counted. It's not as though they haven't decided who to invite into AP US by the time you're a sophmore. So why don't they find something better to do with that semester? Because it's Whitefish Bay. grrrrrrr...
Not to say that I disliked the history department totally. I mean Tipple was great, who doesn't love D-train Lane and Mr. Sweeney? and I'll even admit to liking Ms. Duncan, if for no other reason then she seemed to like me and it was great watching Jason have to answer all those questions when he, Nick and I would be talking in the back of class instead of paying attention. Sorry Jase. And model UN? Awesome. Yes, in case you some how missed it, I participated in Wisconsin High School Model UN....... twice. The first year arguing fishing laws as the land locked European nation, The Czech Republic. The second year discussing human rights as Iceland. I still have the big table placard I stole senior year that says Iceland on it. It's up in my room. I am that cool. oh man I totally just remembered Codell and his flags. So sophmore year our principal decides to invest in a set of flags of all the countries of the world and hang them in the hall on the first floor. Simple enough. Except after purchasing the first set, he finds another set for half the price and buys those too, not realizing he can't return the first set. So not only did he blow a couple thousand dollars on flags no one really even cared about in the first place, but now we had TWO sets. It definitely became the thing he was known for. Well that and being too friendly in the hallway. No I don't want to shake your hand. Get away from me you crazy man. aaah high school. Too bad he wasn't smote. The whole school would have attended that assembly.
No more WFB stuff I promise. History stuff. Smiting stuff. You know what was awesome? the power of the Catholic Church at their peak. The Holy Roman Empire. You didn't do crap without their approval. Not to say that they were perfect and didn't do some pretty horrible things. The Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, etc etc... But man did they have absolute power or what. Screw democracy. It doesn't work. Let's go back to a time when angels smote people at the whim of God and Kings bowed to the Church. We'll just do it better and not have all the corruption. Wow am I a nerd. Stupid Prostestants. They ruin everything.
This is why I love books like The Baroque Cycle by Neal Stephenson and even Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. The world was so much cooler back then.
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