Dream

So I've been having some weird dreams the last couple nights..... tuesday night was about scuba diving in a pool and searching for something on the floor, but it wasn't a normal pool floor... and my Bio I TA was there, and she was pretty crazy so I guess it just kinda fit in with whatever was going on. Last night I dreamed I was in England riding a train past Old Trafford (where Man Utd play) and saw that a game was starting and climbed out the train window, jumped down, hopped a fence and took a seat. Random. Then I get to work today and read Aaron's livejournal which always has weekly horoscope things and when I'm sitting here bored at work I'll check mine.....


So begins the Potent Dreaming phase of the year for you, Taurus. In the coming weeks, the adventures you have while you sleep will be far more interesting than any movie you could see in a theater. Some of your dreams may be the nighttime equivalent of wild goose chases and shaggy dog stories, with no discernible plots or meaning. But the revelations you receive in others could change your life forever with useful lessons and brilliant insights. To help you remember these spiritual gifts from your subconscious mind, please keep a pen and notebook near your bed.

What? What does this mean? More crazy dreams to come? I don't know if I like that. I normally don't dream at all... or at least don't remember them.

not...

One day my high school band director came to class looking pretty horrible, like he was upset about something. We assumed it was a family member or a friend but instead he told us this:

That day the paper had yet another story of a high school shooting and he couldn't help it, he just started crying. His wife told him it was all right, no one they knew, not even this state, he didn't have to let it destroy him like that. But he did. These were innocent kids, someone elses students. He said 'It should make me cry. These kids matter. This is tragic.'

I remember thinking I wish I felt the same way. That I was that empathetic. I'm not. I can't afford to be. There's so much wrong in the world, so much pain and injustice that if every thing cut right through my heart I couldn't read the papers any more, I couldn't hear any news.

There's a song by Kurt Bestor - The Prayer of the Children. Men's Choir sang it at a concert that same semester. My friend Liz, her dad's a photographer for the Milwaukee Journal, supplied pictures of children living in poverty from around the world and they were displayed throughout the song. My heart breaks all over again when I hear it. It was one of those surreal moments both for what it was and what happened as soon as it started. A cell phone rang. (This alone would get you shunned from all further choir concerts, but interrupting this song?) The reality of the world we live in stood up and said 'Remember me? Your job, house, kids, whatever?' The woman felt horrible and apoligized profusely. The song was stopped, the concert puased and then it started over. What timing.

Moments of vulnerability are all I can afford. 20 minutes to cry and ask 'what can I do?' 'where do we go from here?' It's not right. But it's life. The lives we lead. The world we live in. I want to believe my heart isn't hardened to tragedy, I want to believe it's absorbant. The knowledge always present, the feelings, the pain always there. Give it a little sqeeze and it all comes flowing out. I just can't live thinking about tragedy all the time. There's a lot of good. Life should be enjoyed. It's ok to watch star wars and read about our generation. If that sounds callow it's not meant that way. It's about balance. The 10 other good things you did yesterday shouldn't become meaningless because you did 5 stupid things and didn't do that one thing.

I'm not looking to argue; to be right, to be wrong. Just to be honest.

Explore the universe

Just some cool images from the Hubble Telescope, which is soon to be deorbited... bah who needs science and exploration beyond our system when we can go to the moon again.

Quote

"Who ya calling a nerfherder, princess?" Leader of the nerd herd, I know. I own it.

Why is it tv shows and movies always include FTL travel? (faster than light for you non nerds) Everyone assumes someday we'll be able to go that fast. And not to knock all those future scientist out there, but I just don't think it will ever happen. It's just beyond my comprehension. Like the Flatlanders. Read Flatland by Edwin Abbott. Or ask me for a summary sometime. I don't really feel like explaining right now. Really you should just read it.

Star Wars, Star Trek, Farscape, Battlestar all of them...... FTL travel.

Minorly distracted mid post by talk of crazy internet stalker girl. It makes me think about the internet. And what it's become. This tool. This convenience. This crazy anonymous world of anything goes. Anyone else remember bulletin boards? Where you had to type in the phone number of the server you wanted to connect to. Anyone else remember playing LORD? Legend of Red Dragon. Wow. Email was such a big deal back then. I can't stop smiling thinking about it. I kinda miss it.

Find something to celebrate

February
Imbolc
Candlemas
Spring
White rabbit
Reading an entire book in less than 24 hours just because
Manchester United spanking Arsenal at Highbury (or so I can hope)
Learning for the fun of it
Jim's birthday... or maybe that's tomorrow...

What will you celebrate today?

Make more lists

Speaking of graduate schools... What do you think about the University of Vermont? I know that I want to go somewhere with mountains and snow, so I'd been leaning towards moving west. Maybe Oregon, Washington or Northern California, because yes I love rain. Jason wants to live anywhere with an airline hub. Matt wants to live in Southern California... but I like having all 4 seasons... and I don't surf. Not that I couldn't learn. In fact I'd love to learn, but I'm just not a hot weather person nor am I a "big city" person. I don't want to deal with traffic jams.

Appealing things about Vermont:
1) 4 seasons... Mild summer, colorful fall, freezing snowy winter, muddy spring.
2) Mountains.
3) Both kinds of skiing.
4) On Lake Champlain
5) The country's smallest big city... Burlington is only 40,000 with a metro area of 150,000 or so.
6) Graduate schools for both math and public health.
7) Progressive, liberal.... blue state america... these people elected Dean for pete's sake.

Cons:
1) No baseball stadiums... or any other pro sports teams for that matter.
2) Far away from family in the midwest and friends headed west.
3) Being the one with an accent.
4) No tornados... yes this is a con. I love summer storm systems, storm chasing.
5) Too liberal? Do I really want to be at the right end of the spectrum?

Do you have an opinion about Vermont? Feedback is appreciated.

Change classes two weeks into semester

WOOHOO! So I got waitlisted last november for a class I wanted to take and they called yesterday saying there was an opening. Now the class itself isn't all that exciting, but it's far better then the class I had chosen to replace it. Just a few reasons:

1) New class is web based... so now I just have class MWF 8:30-11:30
2) I sit at a computer 15+ hours a week and get paid. So I'd like to think that at some point in there I could get some web based learning done.
3) No more Professor Han. The crazy man who drones on for 40 minutes about obscure theory and proofs and then only has 10 minutes to do an example problem, leaving the entire class confused and angry.
4) New class is Epidiemiology. It really is time I decide whether or not I want to go to Public Health Graduate School. After Biostatistics I felt fairly blah about it, so maybe I'll like Epidiemiology. If I don't, that's one more option crossed off the list.

Hopefully it all goes well.

Fold shirts in a really cool way

http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/fold.php

Uh huh. Watch it. Learn to do it. It will rock your world

Make New Year's resolutions

I always make resolutions. Everyone does, right? Not this year. They just get broken in the first week anyway. If something needs to change it's not going to happen because I became 2005 and I "resolved" to change it.

Hooray 2005. Hooray 2 more weeks of break. Hooray only showering once so far in the new year. (Don't worryI'll shower tomorrow before going out in public)

Put God back into the equation

Rereading my last post I noticed that I never mentioned God. I know I thought about Him. And that He was there. I think I'm just not used to talking about His influence "out loud." God was in my life during that whole time. He's what got me through all the bad days. No matter how lost I felt I always found shelter in His arms. It isn't normal for me to sit down and share all the ways He worked and used the events in my life, eventhough I know He was there. God is the reason I don't worry so much about where I'm headed anymore, God's my yesterday, today and tomorrow. I just ask for the strength to follow where He leads.