wander.
What am I wandering for?
a life lived in search of hygge.
Hygge found and yet... never enough.
I find myself pondering roads not taken.
Where would my life be if I had made different choices. I'd never trade my experiences and friends and yet who doesn't pause and wonder and pause and think, if only? What if I'd?
I found a house. A house in Des Moines. A house that has nearly everything I could possibly ask for and yet... and yet I just can't pull the trigger. I can't take that next step. (stop yelling at me Kinsey)
I'm not ready to settle for Des Moines.
Is that the wrong attitude? Would it truly be settling? What's so wrong with planting roots and sticking around for a while? I have friends here. I have friends who live only a few hours away. I have family a few hours away. I have no good, logical, rational reason why Des Moines isn't enough. and yet...
When I was younger I wondered and awed at the great explorers. Men (mostly) who packed up their things, set out, set sail, and asked, what's next? What's over the horizon? What's over that hill, that mountain? Men with courage; courage and fear.
I have friends who have lived their whole lives within hours of where they were born. Why not me? What makes me wander? Want to wander, long to wander; Wanderlust. Fernweh. Am I seeking or running from? Both?
Seeking.
To Seek.
"Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."
-Lord Alfred Tennyson
To strive. To seek.
To strive and seek and find. To strive, to seek, to find and yet...
Apparently I'm not the first to struggle with this.
Seek.
"Seek first His Kingdom and His Righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well" - Matthew 6:33
I seek. I seek through daily prayer. I seek through daily time in the Word.
I seek, and yet it simmers. Simmers, just below the surface. This wanting. This wanting to wander. This wanting for more.
Will it ever be enough?
1 comment:
I'M NOT YELLING. So we'll buy it and you can rent it while you wander :) I'm sure a bank would definitely go for that.
Don't worry, I've found that when you NEED to know, you'll know. Until then, you wait. Easier said than done.
Muah!
K
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