dream

So I had a dream last night. And I rarely ever remember anything about my dreams. But last night I dreamed that I was driving home, late at night, in a snow storm and that I couldn't see anything about the road I was on except the briefest glimpses that confirmed I was staying in my lane on the highway. Even these momentary glimpses came only once every few minutes; until then I was driving totally blind.

I've never done this before, but something about this dream stuck with me and I had to urge to google it. Just to see what it may have meant. Have you ever done that before? I haven't. But I was kind of curious.

Here's what I found:

"To dream of driving a vehicle represents full control of decision-making. Controlling or navigating the direction in life you are headed. Whoever is driving reflects the aspect of yourself that is influencing your current path. If you are driving and can't see the road ahead it's a sign that you do not know where you are headed in life or don't know what to expect in the near future."

Well, huh. That's true. I haven't felt like I knew where I was headed for a while now. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. Day to day I'm good; but long term... no idea. I've felt like I'm in limbo for a while now. A good limbo though. Like I might be on the right path, but I don't really know what's next.

"To dream that you are driving at night, suggests that you are feel a lack of confidence or enthusiasm for the direction in life you are headed. You feel that something is not as good as it used to be or has taken a turn for the worse. You may be unsure of where you are headed in life. You may be experiencing obstacles toward your goals. You may not feel good making certain decisions or you are afraid to continue on. You may be feeling apprehensive about the future.

Sure. That's about right.

If your view is blocked or obstructed while you are driving it reflects distractions or setbacks. If you are driving down a curvy road it represents difficulties in achieving your goals due to a lack of stability or certainty. You may even feel that your direction in life never stays the same.

If you are driving in the snow, then it means that you need to be extra cautious about how your approach your goals.

... wow.

That's pretty much exactly the feeling that has been nagging at my subconscious, but I have never articulated. Nothing like a random dream to make you wake up.

I'm lost. I keep moving forward because that's the only direction I know how to go. But is that really the right direction? I knew that moving to Des Moines was the right choice. I knew that buying my house was the right choice. Now what?

I spend all day thinking about all the different paths laid out before me. How do I know which one is the right one to follow? What will make me happiest? Which is the road God wants me to follow? I'm so thankful to have options. Having options is hard. And complicated. All the praying I've done has still left me here.

Matthew 6:33-34

I'm weak. I'm lost. I know what I don't want.

Is anyone ever sure?

[sigh]